


RAINBOW RUMPUS LUSUSFUCKERS AND CO [memo]

by Cervineghost, Essynkardi, Lizardlicks, Rainekitty, thermodynamicActivity (chlorinetrifluoride), twofoldAxiom, ValorousOwl, Zunomian



Series: Alternian Fleet Records (Gross Trolls Memos) [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 23:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16861840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cervineghost/pseuds/Cervineghost, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essynkardi/pseuds/Essynkardi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardlicks/pseuds/Lizardlicks, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainekitty/pseuds/Rainekitty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/chlorinetrifluoride/pseuds/thermodynamicActivity, https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofoldAxiom/pseuds/twofoldAxiom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValorousOwl/pseuds/ValorousOwl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zunomian/pseuds/Zunomian
Summary: Moderator Note: You Are All In Shit Wriggler Timeout As Of This Evening Effective Right Now And Immediately





	1. Memo Title: URGENT STATUS REPORT, STOP FONDLING YOUR SHAMEGLOBES AND GET YOUR PUTRID, SORRY ASSES IN HERE.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now online--  


CG: I LIVED, BITCHES.  
CG: NORMALLY I'D PUT SOMETHING HEINOUSLY INAPPROPRIATE HERE ABOUT SUCKING MY BULGE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA LET IT SLIDE THIS TIME, BECAUSE I JUST MADE IT OUT OF MY FINAL EXAM, AND I HAVE LOST SO MUCH FUCKING BLOOD THAT IT'S REALLY, REALLY HARD TO GIVE A FUCK BEYOND HOW HAPPY I AM TO NOT BE A GIANT ALIEN HOOFBEAST'S NUTRIENT PUREE.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] is now online--  


AG: Congratulations, Vantas, you've deprived some poor, innocent alien hoof8east of its dinner. >::::(  
AG: Haha, just kidding, as if I give a shit about alien hoof8easts.  
AG: I just thought this was supposed to 8e an impoooooooortant memo, not this time-wasting 8ullshit!  
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE METAPHORICAL HIGH HOOFBEAST YOU RODE IN ON, SERKET, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH YOUR TIME THAT'S BEEN PRODUCTIVE ENOUGH TO WARRANT A MEMO?  
AG: Nothing you should 8other your nu88y little horns about. This adventure is 8etween me, my ship, and the wide, starry void. :::;)

\--adiosToreador [AT] is now online--  


AT: aS SOMEONE, uH, wHO IS,, nOT PART OF THE SHIP, bECAUSE I SHOULDN'T BE ON THIS SHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE, tECHNICALLY, i WOULD LIKE TO SAY,,, iT'S NOT JUST YOU, uM, aFFECTED, bY ALL THIS  
AT: aND ALSO, i WOULD lIKE tO CONGRATULATE KARKAT, eXCEPT, tHERE IS A LOT TO BE DONE, mAKING SURE THIS SHIP IS, yOU KNOW, nOT FALLING APART  
AT: wHICH IS A THING I AM DOING, rIGHT NOW  
AG: Then why are you online???????? Go scru8 the helmsman down, she's starting to smell.  
AT: tHAT IS, uM, aLSO, a THING I AM DOING,,, yOU SEE, iT'S NOT SO HARD TO CLEAN AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME, fOR SOME PEOPLE  
AT: i WOULD ARGUE, iN FACT, sOME PEOPLE SHOULD DO MORE OF, uH, tHE FORMER, aND LESS OF THE LATTER  
AT: eXCEPT, yOU KNOW, i'M TOO BUSY CLEANING, aND BEING INCOMPETENT AT IT, tO BE DOING THAT

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] is now online--

GC: VR1SK4 WH3R3 4R3 YOU  
AG: I just said nothing to 8other a8out, geez!  
GC: W3 H4V3NT H34RD FROM YOU FOR LONG3R TH4N W3 H4V3NT H34RD FROM K4RK4T 4ND H3 W4S 1N THR3SH3CUT1ON3R TR41N1NG  
GC: TH3 S3NS1T1V3 F33L3RS OF MY SN1FFNOD3 4R3 TR41N3D UPON YOUR POT3NT14L SH3N4N1G4NS M1SS S3RK3T 4ND 1 DONT L1K3 WH4T TH3YR3 P1CK1NG UP  
GC: 4LSO YOUR S1L3NC3 1S MOR3 WORRY1NG TH4N TH4T OF M1ST3R CH3RRYBULG3 H3R3  
GC: WH3N H3S QU13T 1TS B3C4US3 H3S SUCK1NG H1S SUP3R1ORS NOOK NOT B3C4US3 H3S UP TO SOM3TH1NG CR1M1N4L  
GC: 4ND OH LOOK 4T TH4T  
GC: YOUV3 4LSO B33N MYST3R1OUSLY 4BS3NT FROM 4LL YOUR COURT H34R1NGS FOR TH3 P4ST THR33 SW33PS

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] is now online--

CA: vvris is this really the fuckin time our schedules pretty tight  
AG: Oh, would you look at this, Eridan! It's a finger! Pointed suspiciously upwards! What could this possi8ly mean?!  
AG: It means fuck off, I'm on the comms.  
CA: im bein completely serious here wwe havve shit to be doin an gettin hounded by your ex isnt on the list  
AT: i'M SURE WE COULD, sQUEEZE IT IN, lIKE WE SQUEEZE EVERYTHING ELSE IN, wITH THESE PLANS, wILLINGLY OR NOT  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease tell me you're joking a8out having a list.  
GC: SO YOU R34LLY *4R3* UP TO SOM3TH1NG F1SHY!  
CA: youre really takin no prisoners tonight huh pyrope  
CG: OKAY I THINK WE'VE LET THIS GO ON LONG ENOUGH, I STARTED THIS MEMO WITH ONE THING IN MIND AND ONE THING ONLY, AND THAT WAS RUBBING MY VICTORY IN YOUR FACES AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH THE PAST TWO AND A HALF SWEEPS.  
CG: THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS HAVE THE DECENCY TO HAVE YOUR QUADRANT DRAMA ELSEWHERE, WHICH REALLY SAYS SOMETHIGN ABOUT THE KIND OF QUADRANT DRAMA YOU'RE HAVING WHEN *I* DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] is now online--

TA: congratulatiion2.  
TA: except not really.  
TA: ii have a 2hiip two hurl through the iinfiiniite voiid and ii can't be dii2tracted riight now or ii'll blow out my thiinkpan, 2o ii'll have two rag on you later.  
TA: a2 iit 2tand2, ii'm pretty 2ure your exam2 aiin't got 2hiit on my daiily routiine.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] is now offline--

CG: COME BACK HERE AND FACE ME YOU COWARD, I KNOW YOU CAN DIVIDE YOUR ATTENTION BETTER THAN THAT.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked this memo--

CG: BITCH.


	2. Memo Title: c0nchgratulations!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] is now online--

CC: i )(ear y0u did w)(ale 0n your final exam! c0nchgratulati0ns!  
CC: graduati0n, n0t so muc)(, but i )(ear y0u surfvived t)(at, t00, s0 t)(at's g00d!  
CC: d0n't get all R--E-ELAXED like i did!  
CC: i'm R--E-ELY l00king f0rward t0 seeing y0u all again!  
CC: als0, vriska and eridan are g0ing to steal the Battleship Decimati0n! isn't t)(at --EXCITING?  
GC: YOU'R3 GO1NG TO *WH4T*  
AG: Oops, look at the time, 8est 8e off!  
GC: G3T B4CK H3R3 OR SO H3LP M3 GODS H1GH LOW 4ND B3T3NT4CL3D WH3N 1 G3T MY PRONGS ON YOU

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] is now offline--

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] is now offline--

CG: WELL, SHIT.  
GC: 1M GO1NG TO WR1NG H3R SCR4WNY N3CK!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] is now offline--

CC: g00d luck!  
CG: OKAY, I THINK MAYBE IT'S ABOUT TIME TO CLOSE THE MEMO.  
CC: aww, but )(alf 0f us )(aven't even sean it yet!  
CG: WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO THE DECEASED, IF ANYONE COMES IN AND DERAILS IT WITH THAT KIND OF INANE BULLSHIT AGAIN, I'M PROBABLY GOING TO MARCH ON OVER TO THE NEAREST SHUTTLEPORT, TAKE THE FASTEST RIDE TO THEIR LOCATION, AND CUT OUT THEIR AERATION SACS TO MAKE SOUFFLE.

\--centaursTesticle [CT] is now online--

CT: D --> Oh my  
CT: D --> Congrat001ations on earning an esteemed place in the ranks of our glorious Empire despite your mutant b100d, Vantas  
CT: D --> But could you perchance say that earlier part again  
CT: D --> Slower  
CT: D --> And in detail  
CG: OH, FUCK ME.  
CT: D --> E%cuse me  
CG: NO.


	3. Memo Title: D --> This is incredibly inappropriate

CT: D --> I'm sorry, I STRONGLY request I be e%cused for the sake of  
CT: D --> Decency  
CG: NEVERMIND, I DIDN'T HEAR ANY OF THIS, GET OUT OF HERE, SHOO.  
CT: D --> Is that an order  
CT: D --> Being that you technically  
CT: D --> Outrank me, now  
CG: IF YOU STOP TALKING YOU CAN PRETEND IT'S AN ORDER ALL YOU LIKE.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CG: PLEASE DON'T.  
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO FORGET THE ENTIRETY OF THAT INTERACTION RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] is now online--

AC: :33< *the unrivalled purredator easily takes her place with nary prey nor ally unoccupied enough to notice her arrival*  
AC: :33< *she inspects the disarray and notes that it will be to her advantage*  
AC: :33< ah terezi i notice you're finally embracing your huntress instincts and i am duly impurressed  
AC: :33< but you might want to consider some subterfuge as it goes a long way  
AC: :33< especially when dealing with open and unapologetic turncoatery  
CG: SHE ISN'T HERE RIGHT NOW, GO ON DT.  
AC: ://< cats it looks like i missed the best part of the m33ting  
AC: :oo< um karkitty what were you and equius talking about?  
AC: >:oo< why did he need something repeated? i think your message was pretty clear  
AC: >:33< unless you were soliciting attention of a different sort?  
CG: FUCK NO.  
CT: D --> Abso100tly not, you will cease this tomfoalery  
CT: D --> *Tomf001ery  
CT: D --> Are we not all grown trolls in this memo  
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AGREEING WITH THIS SACK OF BULGES MASQUERADING AS A FUNCTIONAL TROLL, BUT HE'S GOT A POINT.  
AC: >:33< that would be rather naughty and devious in a rather diffurent way  
AC: >:cc< a way that ac is thoroughly conflicted about  
AC: >:33< and you gotta ask yourself if this is really the sort of conflict you want to have  
AC: >:33< *the huntress flicks her tail warningly*

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now offline--

AC: >:cc< i was only making fun  
CT: D --> *The magnificent huntress' moirail politely directs her to consider that perhaps Vantas is pulling that particular habit of his where he logs out only to log back in when the coast is clear*

\--carcinoGeneticist [<CG] is now online--

CT: D --> Thought so  
CG: HOW DARE YOU, AND IN MY OWN MEMO.

\--apocalypseArisen [AA] is now online--

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is now online--

GA: Congratulations Karkat This Really Is Good News  
GA: Hello Everyone Its Been A While Hasnt It  
GA: I Regret To Inform All Of You That Im Still On Seeder Two  
GA: Sad Face  
AA: did you really just type that?  
GA: Yes You Can See It With Your Own Two Ganderbulbs  
GA: Unless This Is Terezi Having Taken Over Aradias Account Again  
GA: Shocked Face  
AA: oOo  
AA: can i delete that? that looks dumb  
GA: Does It Now  
GA: I Hadnt Noticed  
AA: nice save for now maryam  
GA: Any Time Megido  
AC: :oo< *the huntress is stunned to notice some pawsibility of caliginous romance in the air for yet another unexpected pair*  
AC: :33< *purrhaps it is something in the water*  
AA: i came in because feferi told me everyone was here actually!  
AA: it looks to be pretty hopping  
AA: ribbit  
AA: get it?  
AA: tough crowd  
CG: WELL THAT'S EVERYONE I STILL REMEMBER, TIME TO NOT SPEAK TO ANYONE FOR ANOTHER TWO AND A HALF SWEEPS.  
AA: nice to see you too again sweetheart

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now offline--

AC: >:33< *the furrocious huntress must also depart to update her shipping sheet, which is a much more convenient and sophisticated version of her old shipping wall*  
AA: its an excel sheet isnt it  
AC: >:oo< shhh! its a secret!

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] is now offline--

GA: Well That Died Faster Than My Lusus  
GA: And My Lusus Was Like The Troll Usain Bolt Of Dying  
AA: didnt you cut her open?  
GA: Not The Point

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is now offline--

CT: D --> So  
AA: nope

\--apocalypseArisen [AA] is now offline--

\--twinArmageddons [TA] is now online--

TA: oooo burn

\--centaursTesticle [CT] is now offline--

\--twinArmageddons [TA] is now offline--

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] is now online--

TC: Yo dOeS AnYbOdY In tHiS MeMo sMoKe wEeD

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now online--

\--this memo has been closed by carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now offline--


End file.
